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| “Faith is not the belief that God will do what you want. It is the belief that God will do what is right.”-Max Lucado |
Well,
the time has come! I leave for
Burma, one week from today!! I was
asked fifteen years ago to share on a journey similar to this one. For fifteen years I found selfish
excuses to say ‘no’. After being
broken to many pieces and then so intimately put back together, I agreed to go
on this journey as long as God provided the entire way. I didn’t have time away from work, I
didn’t have money to pay for the trip, and I wasn’t emotionally ready for such
obedience. God provided. He provided financially, having a
fundraiser with all food and help donated, raising the entire cost of my travel
expenses. My professional
development fund provided money for the expenses while in the country. A refinance of my home had perfect
timing in order to provide additional expenses for me while I was away. I was blessed with a job where I have
colleagues that are more like family that have supported me in this endeavor,
especially when they did not understand paying money to place myself in such
unfortunate living conditions. I
have a manager that understood my calling and provided time away, knowing a
bedside nurse’s time is always in high demand. And last, but absolutely not least, God sent people to lead
me, to set an example for me, and to pray for me when I didn’t know how or
didn’t have the fight. He provides
everything to our fullest desires and so much more.
God
called me, years ago, to a life of being selfless. Unfortunately, I haven’t been so obedient in following that
call; rather, following personal desires.
After choosing my own desires and pathways, after being broken to the
core, I have strived to be more selfless every day, and am learning to be a
better steward of His gifts. I’m
fighting trusting him and believing His word (Deut. 11:13-15), but am obeying
and taking the long, hard path back to His heart. Only a few days ago, while becoming emotionally prepared for
this adventure, God called me to do something so simple. He told me to take a book to a
friend. Sounds easy enough, right? So challenged by my own stubbornness
and pride, I usually ignore that and stick to my agenda. For whatever reason, this time I chose
to be immediately obedient. I took
the book to that friend, and unknowingly felt a wave of peace and tranquility in
the pure act of being obedient. I
felt such at peace with knowing I had listened. I had obeyed. In
a world of screaming desires, God’s voice seems harder to hear; harder to
decipher, and somehow I still hear Him commanding me to do more. God has placed some large decisions on
my heart recently, only one of them being this trip to Burma. And while I am finding obedience to be
more and more painful and hard, I am also at peace knowing that God’s will
works for the good of all things; even when I’m unsure and lack understanding.
After
being asked if I am prepared for the trip, my response is always, “I’m
anxious”. When you have been
secretly preparing for something so great for 15 years, you just have a general
feeling of excited anxiety of it being so close and so real; so tangible. I feel I am sitting on the edge of
something extraordinary. I don’t
know why God is placing these really hard tasks on my heart, asking me to put
aside my time, my schoolwork, my level of being comfortable, my life as I see it. Unless He is telling me that being obedient will lead to
this extraordinary thing. In the
meantime, I am soaking in contentment and peace in the midst of deciphering one
voice among many.
Follow our journey from a distance, pray for meaningful and memorable moments with God. Pray for us to stay FULLY AWAKE to capture the fleeting moments. Pray for us to set aside whatever burdens us and run as hard as we can towards grace and peace (Hebrews 12:1). I’m so grateful
for fantastic prayers and support that you have provided to me over the past
year and a half, and even in the past several days. A simple thank you is not enough. I know that God will continue to provide as this journey
continues, and that God’s plan will continue to be revealed half a world
away. Just know that while I’m
uncertain of where this calling is leading or why I am called to be obedient in
this way, I have full faith and trust in its purpose being great. Being extraordinary.
With
Peace and Love Always, Living out, ‘Here I Am,
Lord’.
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