12.28.12-While We Wait, Come!

“Our Father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant Inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain

In my time of waiting over the past three weeks, there have been some spectacular sunsets.  I treat them as subtle reminders that God is ever-so present in and around us, and that he is always speaking to us, especially when we are least expecting him to do so.

 Motivation.  Walk Through.  Beautiful Artwork.  Over the past three weeks the entire world has anxiously been awaiting a Pagan Holiday, or to some a Modern Day Retailer's Disney World, Christmas.  Whether or not it was celebrated in your home or not, you have anxiously been awaiting something.  Snow? Family traveling miles and miles to come and share a few treasured days of laughter and connecting with each others live?  The retail sales after Christmas?  The much needed break from our busy work schedules?  The opening day of Les Miserables?  Whatever you were awaiting, you were doing just that.  Waiting.  While I generally set goals and make plans, I don't spend a lot of time anticipating the arrival of an event until a few weeks prior.  But over the last year, I have been waiting.  I have some fantastic opportunities over the last year and also in the upcoming weeks, but those things weren't what I was awaiting.  Honestly, I didn't know what I was awaiting.  I knew I was just waiting.  And I new it would be a powerful realization.

And then the week before Christmas, I received a clear, spoken word.  Motivation.  Yep, God I'm totally committed and motivated by you.  I'm motivated at work; I'm passionate.  I'm dedicated to my school work.  I'm motivated by the past; I'm motivated by the present, and most certainly motivated by what is to come.  Yep, God, great reminder!  Is there more for me to know and understand?  I think you're trying to tell me something really important, but motivation?  Motivation for what, exactly?  Show me more.

In my time of waiting, God has sent me some particularly sick patients at work.  A lot of these patients have been medically demanding, of high acuity.  I find myself discharging a patient only to receive them back a few days later.  Did I not teach enough about their heart healthy diet?  Did I teach them incorrectly about their medications?  Did they understand the heart failure recovery instructions?  What did I miss? After taking care of numerous patients on re-admissions, a realization was born.  God evicted me from the Inn, that I was calling home, on my journey through life.  Literally he said, "Get up and go!  Be Motivated!!" 

My motivation to get up and go?  Stories of a patient's thirteen year old daughter being on Metformin, a medication for Adult Onset Diabetes.  She was only thirteen.  Another story, of a Body-Mass Index (a measurement of obesity based on height and weight) being 98-a measurement that was 68 points over the line where obesity begins.  She was twenty years old.  And there God had painted a pretty clear picture for me.  1-Don't be them.  2-Do not be the nurse that says, "You should exercise two-three times a week for at least 30-minutes" or "You should stay away from unhealthy fats and too many processed foods" and you, yourself not hold yourself to the same standards.  My motivation?  Thank goodness I wasn't that thirteen year old girl, but God forbid, I don't want to be that twenty year old girl either.

I have it tattooed on my foot that I am beautifully made and created.  I am a breathtaking masterpiece, stitched together with intricate detail.  You know my capabilities, you know my abilities.  You know how hard to test me (Psalm 139).  For the past eleven days, I have left the Inn I called home and started running on the journey again.  Literally.  I have accumulated over 10 miles of running on the treadmill and have frequented the gym on a regular basis for cardiac and strength workouts.  That alone is a Christmas miracle, because I despise running.  I am not motivated by weight loss or toning, or anything other than the simple fact that I do not want to suffer like the people for whom I care.  My heart is still strong and is a gift from heaven.  I have the privilege of good health-not the right, and the expectation to make positive decisions that affect that health-not the assumption.  My heart can most certainly be fragile, weak, and tender; therefore, I need to protect it, so that He can perfect it.  I am going to kick my heart into shape so that it is ready.  For what?  I have no clue, but it will be ready.

Christmas Eve 2012, after a snowy run with Russell.

I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
    Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
    I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
    you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
    how I was sculpted from nothing into something (Psalm 139:13-16, The Message)