6.8.13-I am all around you; like a cocoon of light.

Lights from a spectacular wedding ceremony on Friday evening.

“I AM ALL AROUND YOU, like a cocoon of Light. My Presence with you is a promise, independent of your awareness of Me.  Many things can block this awareness, but the major culprit is worry.  My children tend to accept worry as an inescapable fact of life.  However, worry is a form of unbelief; it is anathema to Me.  Who is in charge of your life? If it is you, then you have good reason to worry.  But if it is I, then worry is both unnecessary and counterproductive.  When you start to feel anxious about something, relinquish the situation to Me. Back off a bit, redirecting your focus to Me.  I will either take care of the problem Myself or show you how to handle it.  In this world you will have problems, but you need not to lose sight of Me.”

This summer exhausts me and I'm not sure it has even begun yet.  Really, it's a summer of lifetime opportunities that are all "You can't say no to this, Heather" kind of opportunities.  While I am certain that all of these are opportunities are ones I am supposed to take and that are provided to me as a gift, I cannot help but worry, how will they all work out?  My calendar is so full of meetings, appointments, and deadlines, that I have started to add time slots on my calendar for my runs and my errands.  I have yet to add time allotted for sleep, but that is next.  While I know that worry is just a disguised term for unbelief, I cannot help but constantly think of ways in which I can control the unbelief in each of these circumstances and what I can do to make them work out.  What more does God really need to show me, for me to believe in His sovereignty and His complete ability to provide and rebuild (Ezekiel 36)?  Is He not bigger than these trivial concerns?  Is He not capable of aligning my life in order to fulfill His requests for my life?

I worked on obedience: discerning, over the past two years.  While it took me almost 10 years to discern direction in career and life, I eventually heard (i.e. I eventually chose to hear AND obey).  Now, I believe I'm being trained in obedience: trusting.  Trust is a very difficult concept for me to understand, which is why I tend to seek to control circumstances.  I trust myself.  When others are assigned a task, I can't help but think, "I wonder if they will do it?  I should just do it myself".  Every single opportunity this summer is a spectacular event, but planned by someone else with me as a guest speaker, guest leader, or guest in attendance.  I'm not purchasing any ticket, on my own.  I'm not planning any part of my schedule, on my own.  I'm being taken half a world a way (for a second time this year) and (for a second time this year) I have no idea what the trip looks like.  I'm not in charge of any agenda, on my own.  I'm not in charge. 

Coming back full circle, however, I KNOW that God is over all things.  Which is why I'm trying to calm my inner free-will, have patience, and let go.  It's much harder for me to do than what I elude.  My outward appearance is cool, calm, and collected.  My inner being, however, feels like a constant waterfall, never feeling at peace with sitting back and allowing things to be worked out in their own timing.  Rushing, falling, constant movement.  Never at peace.  So, my prayer?  Lift off every burden of worry from my mind so that I can be obedient, even in the daily tasks of life, and so that I can feel at peace knowing I'm not in charge.

Goofy is a coping mechanism to stress, I'm realizing.