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| I'm yours, and I know that you're mine. Be my only. |
I'm also the person that fails to know how to use the phrase, "No, I'm busy". Instead I say, "Sure, I can do that". Then I have a calendar that is full of Appointments that I literally have to reference it when I go to bed to know what the day ahead looks like. Why do I reference a man-made schedule instead of a Godly, provisioned one? More than any other summer, this summer I have been faced with logistics planning and coordinating around this and that, squeezing things into far too condensed time periods. I have found myself running (while it's great and a part of my marathon training) from one thing to the next. I have found an intense lack of energy, recovery time, and rest so far.
In an attempt to slow me down, I have been faced with a few things that literally said, "Slow down. Stop." I wanted to share this with you, in hopes that you can join me and hold me accountable to the rest that I absolutely need to stay physically, not to mention emotionally, healthy. The first one was the speeding ticket I got. Yes, it was the first one, but it was also a really bad one. In all honesty, because honesty and humility are a part of sharing the influence with our community of believers, I should have been taken to jail right then and there. It was beyond reckless. The frustrating thing was that I was not the only one going that fast, but I was the chosen one to be pulled over. There was even someone beside me not wearing their seatbelt. Gah! Enough of the excuse making. It was a pricey way to say, "Heather, slow down. Take a moment and just slow down." Because of undeserved forgiveness and grace, I was just written a ticket that could be easily paid with only my pride and my bank account hurting.
That same weekend, I attended a conference on Colossians called, "Love Speaks". It was for Junior High aged youth, so I wasn't anticipating a great revelation of any kind. We each received a letter in our name badge. We wrote down love letters on the back of each letter and placed them on a banner during worship one night. I didn't think much about the love letter and wrote something plain like, "you are sweet". During the final worship, We were invited to take communion and receive a love letter. Again, I didn't really think anything of it and participated with my fellow worshipers. When I got back to my seat, however, my Love Letter could not have been more prophetic if it had been written with me in mind. Perhaps it was after all. The Love Letter from a stranger read, "The best of luck to you in all of your life's adventures! Have a wonderful weekend and remember to stop and smell the roses!". Boom. Stop. Take a moment. Dwell in beauty. But you first have to stop.
A week later, I was celebrating my birthday. I've never been big on self-celebration, because I find it so self-indulgent. It's hard for me to give self-praise. I don't know how to process it when I receive it, and it takes reverse humility to accept it. I struggled with this while in Myanmar; accepting meals and gifts from people that have so little. It's the same feeling of, 'why do I deserve this? Why is it okay for someone with nothing to give someone with everything, something?' Anyways, we had a great party and time with friends, and food of course. The next day, out of absolutely no where with no warning signs, I was very sick. I had a fever of 102, couldn't stand up without pain, and was in dire need of medication. An inconvenient acute infection took over my body for 48+ hours, leaving me literally on the couch unable to move. At one point, in the middle of the night and alone no less, I had chills and fever so bad, I couldn't keep my mouth from chattering long enough to take my temperature. Even with that happening, my temperature was 103.7. I was taken to the ER just in time to sweat off the fever in an embarrassing display of 'wet clothing' to my fellow colleagues. I relied on family and friends to care for me, because I was useless and helpless. So, when Love Letters and Speeding Tickets didn't slow me down, and infection (a natural response to immune system compromise) set in as a way to say, "Girl, you have GOT TO SLOW DOWN AND STOP."
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| Super Moon, June 23rd, 2013. The southern skies, like a lullaby... |
Priscilla Reid, as many of you may know, is a sweet spirit that has only grazed my life at surface level. But profoundly so, she has said some things that continue to reinforce the thought of letting go of the logistics of life so that concentration can be focused so intently on obedience that the things that matter automatically fall into place and the things that don't, disappear. From the gospel of Mark, Chapter 6 verses 45-56 comes the story of hardened hearts because of a lack of understanding of the depth of Jesus' compassion to guide and reveal our lives to us. It is with our own fear and pride that keep us from fully trusting a God that wants us to step out into all that He has for us. Jesus always meets us in our boat, our circumstances, so to speak. While He is NOT in the boat, He is ALWAYS beside it. He meets our needs where we are, while challenging us to challenge ourselves. He CANNOT fail to respond to our needs. Can we not understand the depth of His compassion when He fed 5,000 people with 5 fish and 2 loaves of bread? Let go of the oars in the boat. Stop trying to hold on. I will come and I will meet your needs. I promise you this; I WILL respond.
As a part of this reflection, I heard this song and have fallen in love with the lyrics. "....Watch your hands move along my face they trace all the lines I've lived. It isn't hard to love your scars 'cause that's everywhere you've been..."
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