12.28.12-While We Wait, Come!

“Our Father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant Inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain

In my time of waiting over the past three weeks, there have been some spectacular sunsets.  I treat them as subtle reminders that God is ever-so present in and around us, and that he is always speaking to us, especially when we are least expecting him to do so.

 Motivation.  Walk Through.  Beautiful Artwork.  Over the past three weeks the entire world has anxiously been awaiting a Pagan Holiday, or to some a Modern Day Retailer's Disney World, Christmas.  Whether or not it was celebrated in your home or not, you have anxiously been awaiting something.  Snow? Family traveling miles and miles to come and share a few treasured days of laughter and connecting with each others live?  The retail sales after Christmas?  The much needed break from our busy work schedules?  The opening day of Les Miserables?  Whatever you were awaiting, you were doing just that.  Waiting.  While I generally set goals and make plans, I don't spend a lot of time anticipating the arrival of an event until a few weeks prior.  But over the last year, I have been waiting.  I have some fantastic opportunities over the last year and also in the upcoming weeks, but those things weren't what I was awaiting.  Honestly, I didn't know what I was awaiting.  I knew I was just waiting.  And I new it would be a powerful realization.

And then the week before Christmas, I received a clear, spoken word.  Motivation.  Yep, God I'm totally committed and motivated by you.  I'm motivated at work; I'm passionate.  I'm dedicated to my school work.  I'm motivated by the past; I'm motivated by the present, and most certainly motivated by what is to come.  Yep, God, great reminder!  Is there more for me to know and understand?  I think you're trying to tell me something really important, but motivation?  Motivation for what, exactly?  Show me more.

In my time of waiting, God has sent me some particularly sick patients at work.  A lot of these patients have been medically demanding, of high acuity.  I find myself discharging a patient only to receive them back a few days later.  Did I not teach enough about their heart healthy diet?  Did I teach them incorrectly about their medications?  Did they understand the heart failure recovery instructions?  What did I miss? After taking care of numerous patients on re-admissions, a realization was born.  God evicted me from the Inn, that I was calling home, on my journey through life.  Literally he said, "Get up and go!  Be Motivated!!" 

My motivation to get up and go?  Stories of a patient's thirteen year old daughter being on Metformin, a medication for Adult Onset Diabetes.  She was only thirteen.  Another story, of a Body-Mass Index (a measurement of obesity based on height and weight) being 98-a measurement that was 68 points over the line where obesity begins.  She was twenty years old.  And there God had painted a pretty clear picture for me.  1-Don't be them.  2-Do not be the nurse that says, "You should exercise two-three times a week for at least 30-minutes" or "You should stay away from unhealthy fats and too many processed foods" and you, yourself not hold yourself to the same standards.  My motivation?  Thank goodness I wasn't that thirteen year old girl, but God forbid, I don't want to be that twenty year old girl either.

I have it tattooed on my foot that I am beautifully made and created.  I am a breathtaking masterpiece, stitched together with intricate detail.  You know my capabilities, you know my abilities.  You know how hard to test me (Psalm 139).  For the past eleven days, I have left the Inn I called home and started running on the journey again.  Literally.  I have accumulated over 10 miles of running on the treadmill and have frequented the gym on a regular basis for cardiac and strength workouts.  That alone is a Christmas miracle, because I despise running.  I am not motivated by weight loss or toning, or anything other than the simple fact that I do not want to suffer like the people for whom I care.  My heart is still strong and is a gift from heaven.  I have the privilege of good health-not the right, and the expectation to make positive decisions that affect that health-not the assumption.  My heart can most certainly be fragile, weak, and tender; therefore, I need to protect it, so that He can perfect it.  I am going to kick my heart into shape so that it is ready.  For what?  I have no clue, but it will be ready.

Christmas Eve 2012, after a snowy run with Russell.

I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
    Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
    I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
    you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
    how I was sculpted from nothing into something (Psalm 139:13-16, The Message)

12.9.12-DPC: Something You're Reading

Bacon and eggs make me love?  Make me love what, exactly?

Telephone Pictionary: Everyone sits in a circle, just like for telephone.  Everyone needs a piece of paper and a pen. 

1. The first person writes a sentence and then passes to the person to their right.
2. The second person draws a picture of the sentence above, and then prior to passing to the next person to the right, folds the original sentence over.
3. The third person, seeing only the drawing, writes a sentence about/describing the picture above.  Prior to passing to the next person, fold the paper to cover the drawing so only the new sentence is showing.
....this continues until your paper has made its way around the circle and is back into your hands.  Unfold, read, and enjoy moments of ridiculous laughter.  See below.

One of the greatest lessons in Youth Ministry?  Find time to be silly.

Original sentence?  Have a lot of Children! -Genesis 1:28

(Through many drawings later, it morphed into the following sentences):

Infinity plus parent hood equals love and a car battery.

Infinity + percent of hoods equals love and car remotes.

Infinite afros equals love and batteries.

A loving family of three equals lots of love and batteries.

People with afros love batteries.

12.8.12-DPC: Ornament

A tree, made out of a tree, held up by a tree. 

Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.

-Hamilton Wright Mabie-

12.7.12-DPC:Bright

Bright and cheerful happiness comes with a story that may not have always been bright and cheerful.

It is Christmas in the mansion, yule-log fires and silken frocks; It is Christmas in the cottage, mother's filling little socks.  It is Christmas on the highway, in the thronging, busy mart.  It is Christmas when we kindle the fire; It is Christmas when we open hospitality and charity of the heart.  Is it still Christmas for the homeless?  Is it still Christmas for the terminally ill?  Is it still Christmas for the brokenhearted?  

No matter where you find yourself this holiday may you find Christmas living inside your heart and filling you with love.

12.6.12-DPC: Shopping

Frustrating that we associated Christmastime with shopping.  How frustrating it is for God to look around and see simple gift presentation be turned into Black Friday frenzies, greed, jealousy, and competition to have the biggest and best.

This Christmas I am especially challenged to remember the true meaning of Christmas.  For me, that means a grateful heart.  I'm refinancing my home this Christmas, quite possibly one of the most frustrating processes.  Ironic, but not shocking, that it was easier to get into a home mortgage than it is to refinance.  Of course, lower rates, more principal and less interest, lower monthly payments---of course they'll take their sweet time.

With that mindset, Christmas will include no shopping.  It will include shopping for food, shopping for a few decorations here and there, and a few white elephant gift presents.  No gifts for my families, and certainly none for me either.  The Graduate Student's, Ramen?  Boxed pasta with great value spaghetti sauce.  Yes, slight exaggeration, but for now I'll just have to drive by Whole Foods and drool a little.

I did, however, make time to save a little extra to purchase myself one special gift.  A tangible reminder to have a grateful heart.  A grateful heart for a job worth more than any green paper, a home that keeps me warm and protects me from weather's elements, and a healthy family that is on the flip side of sickness and illness.  I purchased this book, The American Nurse, by Carolyn Jones and inspired by The American Nurse Project.

You can view the overview video here -----> Video Overview of The American Nurse Project


Nurses have seen things that none of us can imagine.  I'm in awe, I do believe that they are a special breed--some combination of innate compassion and learned behavior.  I wish I could say exactly what it is, because I'd bottle it up and drink that potion.  But it's not consistent, and of course, there are many roads that lead to being a nurse.  I hope we have captured that.

--Carolyn Jones (from the Introduction)

12.5.12-DPC: Today's Temperature

Education Tool I created in my Master's of Nursing Education course at JMU this past fall.

Today's temperature was smokin'.  Dad's Ablation was today, a milestone we had been praying about and had been in eager anticipation for it's arrival.  I have found some passions while paving my professional career path, one of those being Atrial Fibrillation.  Once Dad found out he had it in 2010, we have watched him struggle with it's frustrating nature, watching as it comes and goes as it pleases.  One of the most frustrating things was seeing Dad not being able to understand why.  He understood what to do, but not always able to connect with understanding why and how. 

Hence, inspiration for my Nursing 650 Education Project.  In one of my Advanced Practice Nurse classes at JMU, I was challenged to create a Patient and Staff Education Project to implement in a setting of my choosing.  I chose to take on the big task of ways to control Atrial Fibrillation and Stroke Prevention, and with the help of a friend and colleague, created this tool to use in education.  It's appropriate that it was finalized and completed the same day we conquered Atrial Fibrillation.

Dad's surgery went as expected and he is recovering.  It is much slower than anticipated, but he is doing well and we're grateful for that.

12.4.12-DPC: Joyous

Today's photo, Joyous. 

I am overjoyed by fantastic parents.  Even in spite of their health conditions, they find joy and happiness in life and face challenges headstrong with Thor-like Strength and Abe Lincoln-like Patience.  Today we went to see, Lincoln. 

"Can we choose to be born? Are we fitted to the times we're born into? We begin with equality, that's the origin isn't it? That's justice. See we've shown that a people can endure awful sacrifice and yet cohere."




After a great movie, we went to an even better dinner at the Local Chop & Grill House.  I celebrated being healthy again and completing a semester even if it almost killed me.  Dad celebrated healthcare that always looks out for him.  In preparation for surgery tomorrow, Dad ate Iced Cream.  He said that if they can't do the procedure tomorrow, for whatever reason, he will blame it on me for encouraging him to eat iced cream the night before. 

Dad enjoying Salted Caramel, Chocolate Hazelnut, and Vanilla Bean homemade Iced Cream.  I had Coffee with Kahlua Iced Cream and Pumpkin Creme Brulee.  Enough to make you joyous alone,

12.3.12-DPC: Red

Today's post is quite sad and depressing, but true to its core. 

I had dinner with my parents.  Which, for any of you that have seen videos from our meals can be quite entertaining, slightly humiliating, and definitely worth watching.  However, this meal was a little different.  Mom described a lunch she had the week before by herself.  So let's travel back a few years....

...In a College English class, we were reading the book Everything Illuminated, by Jonathan Saffron Foer.  It's one of those, unapologetically human books, that is so real it hurts your inner heart.  Not the heart that just says you're sad, but the inner heart that changes the way you feel and perceive.  We were given an assignment to describe what we thought was sad.  Not just sad, but sad.  Easy.  Done.  An older person eating alone is by far the saddest thing I can imagine.  Why?  Why not?  I find myself pondering what leads someone to eat alone.  No family?  No one else was available?  Divorced?  Widowed?  Wants to be alone?  Regardless, those are all sad reasons!  I sit and wonder, what kind of life have they lived?  What stories are behind those drooping eyes?  Did they ever know love?  Did they know pain?  What kind of pain did they suffer?  Why is it that no one wants to eat with them?  I find myself day dreaming alongside these people while they eat alone, and me with my family, wondering about this person's story.  Because you know everyone has a story. 

...back to the present.  I wasn't so discouraged or saddened by mom eating alone, ironic, right?  But she said she experienced a strange phenomenon that day.  She was eating alone at a buffet, a quick bite to eat after running her errands.  When an older woman from White Birch Estates in Bridgewater (An Independent/Assisted Living Facility) came up to her and said, "Mind if I join you?".  It startled mom, but she said yes.  Mom said the woman talked her ear off the entire lunch---which if you know my mom---you know is quite the feat.  The woman talked about losing her husband of 35+ years and missing him dearly.  She talked about being so lonely, and invited mom to come visit her.  She was so sad, and just couldn't bear the idea of eating alone one more meal.  She said, "Food just doesn't taste the same.  You know, since he's gone." 

I cherish the lunches and dinners I have with my parents.  I hate eating alone for these very reasons, because food just doesn't taste the same unless you're with someone that matters.  Someone always says, "I can make the same food at home, but I go out for the atmosphere.  I go out for the entertainment and fellowship".  I share meals with people, not just because the food tastes better.  But it does.  Food tastes better when you're with people you love.

Dad's first lunchtime experience at Jimmy Johns.  It was funny actually.  He ordered his meal.  Then I ordered mine.  Then he wanted to change something.  They were already half-way done making his sandwich and had to start again-they were that quick.  He was shocked at the quickness that was Jimmy Johns.  P.s. The DPC Red is located in Jimmy Johns sandwich wrapping and logo on their cups.

"I have reflected many times upon our rigid search.  It has shown me that everything is illuminated in the light of the past. It is always along the side of us, on the inside, looking out.  Like you say, inside out. Jonathan, in this way, I will always be along the side of your life.  And you will always be along the side of mine." -Alex to Jonathan in Everything is Illuminated.

12.2.12-DPC: Favorite Holiday Movie

 After being placed on call, I was very grateful.  But I still knew that I needed to get into see a Doctor.  Did I bite the financial cost with going to the ER, getting treatment I knew would benefit me and not be a complete waste of time?  Or did I go with my financial conscience and go to MedExpress and get treatment that was far inferior to that of my homie MD's at the hospital, but pay hundreds of dollars less?  MedExpress it was, mostly because I couldn't pull myself out of bed long enough to take a shower without becoming short-winded.  The thought of waiting in an ER for a few hours exhausted my feeble body.

After an almost record time at an Urgent Care Center, I came home with a Pharmacy to help me breathe better.  I started a Prednisone taper to reduce inflammation in my Bronchioles (which made my outstandingly hungry-they don't kid around), I started an Antibiotic because I clearly had an Upper Respiratory Infection, presenting itself as Pneumonia, and I had an inhaler so that when I walked to the bathroom I didn't get so short of breath.  After filling my prescriptions and getting all the necessary supplies of someone ill (i.e. OJ, Tissues, Home Alone 2, etc.) I was ready to park myself in my bed for the next 36 hours.  What better way to spend 36 hours of sickness than to watch your favorite holiday movie, hence, December Photo Challenge, Day 2-Favorite Holiday Movie.  Clearly, there are no movies better than this.  I could watch it on repeat for days.  And I did.  On a side note, I finally challenged the "A Nose in Need, Deserves Puffs Indeed".  I'll have to say that I'll edit that text to say, "A Nose in Need, Deserves Kleenex Cool Touch Indeed".  Sorry Puffs.  You lose.

12.1.12-DPC: My View Today

I decided to participate in the streamlined, path of least resistance, Instagram 'December Photo Challenge" in my own blogging kind of way.  In an attempt to be more active on my blog again, here's to a December of "Not your average Instagram December Photo Challenge but more like December Photo Blogging Fest" insight blurps. 

My view at dinner time.  It also included a buffalo chicken dip that was strategically placed in front of me.  Anna moved it so that we would stop eating it, because it was simply impossible to stop if it continued to sit in front of us.

 Today we celebrated Brittany Johnson's Birthday.  It was more than just a special occasion, for me at least, in that I hadn't been out with these ladies since, well....the summer.  This semester has been that chaotic and messy that I haven't even really seen them at Bible Study.  I have been so focused and involved in my coursework and my work life that I have neglected my "let's go be spontaneous and have fun" life.  So I decided, especially after some heart to heart chats with the roomie, that I would push past the end of the semester stress that still had me tired to celebrate with these great girls.  It was nice to go back to that fun, spirited Heather that everyone remembered and pull away from the stressed, focused and down-right boring and mean Heather that is going to Grad School.  So even though I was fighting Bronchitis and Pneumonia (I didn't know it at the time), I had a fun evening and dinner with my besties.  Someone asked me, "Who is your best friend in the WHOLE world?"  I didn't respond.  Who says you have to have one best friend? 

So my view today?  Hopeful.  Positive.  Fun-filled.  Beautiful.  Priceless.

11.30.12-A Different Kind of Thanksgiving

First time opening a pomegranate

With cinnamon toasted almonds as well as 'Dubliner' Cheese. 

After battling the end of the semester rush of stress, the GI Bug, and now an Upper Respiratory Infection with Bronchitis and Pneumonia, I am back to blogging!  Whoo hoo!!

This was the first Thanksgiving that I spent without my parents.  In 26 years, I have spent every Thanksgiving and every Christmas with my parents at their house with extended family.  This year is different.

Thanksgiving Part I. was spent with my brother's family in Winchester, at Dr. Bob and Nurse Lil's house in Funchester.  Like my dad, my sister-n-law's dad has significant heart disease, so Thanksgiving is just plain mean to those people.  
But we had a wonderfully healthy; yet, overly satisfying meal.  It included:

• Turkey
• Mashed Taters (with healthy butter)
• Sweet Potatoes (for my brother)
• A Fruity Salad with Pomegranate, Strawberries, Pears, and Avacado
• Stuffing
• Acorn Squash with Sweet Apple Cinnamon stuffing
• Garlic Green Beans
• Whipped Cream Pumpkin Dip and Pumpkin Pie for dessert 

I made the salad, and decided I really wanted to open a pomegranate.  Apparently it's a big ordeal, and needs to be done underneath water so that the pomegranate juice doesn't squirt everywhere, staining anything it touches.    Anticipating opening the fruit was almost as fun as eating them.  

Thanksgiving Part Deux was spent in Midlothian with my other brother's family.  We ate more Thanksgiving leftovers and then took a walk with all of our dogs to the waterside in Brandermill Parkway. It was a full house with three dogs, including mine that freaks other dogs out.  Even though it was nice to be with family, and as much as I love Russell, he's a constant reminder of a past that is painful and full of hurt. 

This Thanksgiving I was especially thankful for a house to call my own, a job that is rewarding and challenging, and health that although isn't perfect, is just enough.  I'm thankful for opportunities for reflection, opportunities to challenge and grow, and thankful for learning humility, even if in the most painstakingly slow stretching way.