5.23.12-Windshield Survey

La Taurina Grill Taco Truck on Rt. 11 in Harrisonburg, VA

Happy Anniversary to me and my job as an RN!  It's been a full year of working at my current job--which is just plain crazy.  Very fortunate to have a job that 100% supports me to go back to school, and for once in my career I can go to school and work and openly talk about both---oh yeah, and they also are the same profession!  Phew, blessed again!

In a class I'm taking, we were asked to complete a windshield survey on our drive home.   Literally, from behind the glass of our car windshield, we were to observe our surroundings and make observations regarding the economic, social, financial, and health status of what we saw past our windshield; to see "what's on the other side of the tracks".  On my way home, I passed two Taco Trucks.  If you have never been to a taco truck, you just need to go, because it is phenomenal food.  Often misjudged for their sanitation, or lack thereof, by the workers there, and by the general outward appearance of the "restaurant".  Such an unfortunate mistake, honestly.  Which led me to think that this is how many of us, most definitely including myself, look at all things, but especially things with "different" appearances than our own.  A visit to the Taco Truck is such a cultural experience, one from which we can truly benefit.  I pray for open minds and hearts to things that are different than us, more so than just a Taco Truck or the people there, but to the differences that separate and hinder us from each other and from God.  I pray that we can find the courage and strength to move past these barriers and see what's on the other side of the tracks.

5.22.12-Happy First Anniversary to My Photo Blog!!!!

Early morning Sunrises, a definite perk to working so freaking early in the morning....

I have had the blessing of being able to take a photo a day, well almost every day for a year.  I documented my triumph and failure over my everyday life.  Thanks for sharing this journey with me, for being so open to my ramblings, and to understanding my joy when there is joy, and to understanding my sorrow when there was sorrow.  It has been a FANTASTIC journey through new friends, West Virginia, new jobs, old friends, Workcamps, heartache, live concerts, amusement parks, and transformation.  Okay, so one year later, what have I learned?  Phew, this list is outrageously long!  But it here it is in a nutshell....with so much more actually learned and accomplished.

You are not alone.  Friendship can come through flowers. Sunsets and Rainbows are gifts from God.  Family is dependable, even if they piss you off.  Moscato wine is well worth your time to uncork the cork.  Work through pain and tough times, strength will result.  Birth, death, and saying goodbye are some of the hardest things you will ever have to do.  Good and bad stress affects your body the same way.  I love food.  Latte's are some great companionship, just not late at night.  Running through thunderstorms will get you very wet.  You are not alone.  Interviews are stressful, but are made much easier when the person on the other side understands your pain.  Music is therapeutic and should be required daily medicine.  2 Week Notices suck.   Stalking someone does not make any situation better, EVER.  Crispin Hard Cider is really good.  Transitions are hard, but necessary for growth.  Change hurts, otherwise it wouldn't be called change.  Roller Coasters are wicked fun, and can make you nauseated if you ride them too quickly back to back.  I love food. Trials in life are pathways to transformation.  Sometimes you just need to sit back and have a bowl of popcorn in one hand, the remote in the other and watch a good movie-even if you do fall asleep before the credits even start.  You are not alone.  God calls us to do some radical things, like package condoms and needles into kits as part of evangelism.  Hot dogs with Bacon are really good, especially if you are at Coney Island.  Screaming and laughing on a roller coaster will give you a pretty bad migraine.  Youth are awesome and a way to really learn about yourself.  One way to open up to someone else is to sleep in the same room as them and allow them to hear you freakishly talk in your sleep---all night.  You are not alone.  Peyton Manning isn't nearly as bad as I imagined and he is freakishly tall.  If you fail the first time, do it again and attack it with a vengeance.  Tattoos are permanent, so make wise decisions.  West Virginia trips are refreshing and mostly soul awakening.  I love food.  I also love wine.  The banjo is a really hard instrument to play.  Flowers are serene.  If we open our hearts to learning, we can be taught by just about anyone or anything.  Walt Disney World is so much fun with aging parents, especially when they are terrified of riding Dumbo.  Faith like a child is real.  I AM NOT ALONE.  God answers prayers by placing people in our life that allow us to practice what we are praying about.  God allows us to be changed by our co-workers and our place of work.  When we don't have answers?  God does.  Just when you thought it was over, things were good, things can suck again---but God is there when times suck too.  Sushi is a spectacular food that I wish I had loved sooner.  I love food.  People close to us die, and it hurts.  Important lesson learned: do not go ice skating with your camera on your chest; it will result in broken bones, or a broken face.  God allows hurt and pain so that we can come through knowing beauty and peace. Riding Space Mountain after a large Lapu Lapu is a silly idea, really, trust me on this one.  When God says, "Go to the land where my people suffer", you do as He says, and you go-Don't wait 15 years to become active.  Sometimes you should take a break between school years. Going to Disney World with a broken foot can actually be fun.  Boyz II Men are fantastic live.  Mumford & Sons is actually a really great band.
 YOU ARE NEVER, EVER, ALONE. 

You're Not Alone, by Meredith Andrews
I search for love, when the night came and it closed in.
I was alone, but you found me where I was hiding and though I'll never ever be the same
It was the sweetest voice that called my name singing,

You're not alone For I am here, let me wipe away every fear
My love I've never left your side.  I have seen you through the darkest night and I'm the one that's loved you all your life.  All of your life

5.21.12-For I am yours....

In a world where injustice and inequities are the cause of so much suffering, misery, and death, the church cannot be silent. The church, as Christ’s body, must place itself clearly on the side of the poor and the oppressed”

 - Statement on World Mission Philosophy and Program, 1981 Annual Conference  

Again I am faced with God screaming at me that my calling is to be immersed in healthcare, poverty, and the underserved.  Reminded again by the fact that a class I need for my master's program is called Foundations of Nursing in the Community.  It really is quite remarkable how this field of work keeps finding me, no matter where I am or what I am doing.  I prayed for God to break my heart for what breaks His---and boy is he doing that.  My class this morning consisted of me in my PJ's, eating my yogurt and drinking my juice on my patio thorough a session called Elluminate with my professor and classmates, which was awesome, but It reminded me that I have a lot to learn.

 What this session so blatantly reminded me of was my mission and calling to work with God's children that are so misled and unfortunate, according to pop culture standards.  I have been asking God for Him to bless me with specific things, none of which he has given me.  Silly me for being so dang selfish.  What I see now is that God is blessing me in thousands of other ways, just not necessarily the ways I planned.  He screams- "But Heather, be reminded that my plan will ALWAYS trump yours, always.  When I pray for love, does He not give me an opportunity to show love?  Does He not give me the opportunity to experience true love, not this crap we see on TV.   He gives me the opportunity to show a child God's love through my own faith and relationship.  When I pray to hold someone's hand, does He not give me the opportunity to hold someone's hand suffering from HIV or Aids, by helping them stand up?  When I pray for companionship, does He not send someone to me that seeks to find safety from an abusive relationship, even if this person is impossible to befriend?  Mold me and shape me, for I am yours.

5.20.12-(insert emotion here)

...what good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds?  Can such faith save him?  Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food.  If one of you says to him, 'go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,' but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?  in the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead...

And this, my friends, is why I am going and doing, instead of just saying.

5.19.12-Let me be singing when the evening comes

Let me be singing when the evening comes.......About four years ago, I went to the side of the road in Keezletown, VA and said, "I want those flowers."  So I had a little shovel and dug up four enormous roots of tiger lilies that had already blossomed.  I brushed the dirt off and brought them home.  I planted them and hoped that the cold winter wouldn't kill them.  And now....They have blossomed, spread, and bloomed like wildfire. 

Create in me a new heart.  Come uproot me, brush off the dirt, and replant me to blossom and bloom, and spread like wildfire. 

5.18.12-Quick to Snap

"Farmer liked to tell his Harvard students that to be a good clinician you must never let a patient know that you have problems too, or that you're in a hurry.  'And the rewards are so great for just those simple things!'  Of course, this meant that some patients waited most of a day to see him and that he rarely left his office before dark." -Mountains Beyond Mountains

Working on patience with patients.  And am reminded of James.  ...everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires...

5.17.12-Mountains Beyond Mountains, beyond...

...the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.  Who can understand it?  (Jer. 17:9)  I know that the power of God can change a bad thing into something good.  It is the promise we are given.  My heart longs to open up and to share, but there is a part that is hardened and so deceitful.  If we were meant to have a heart and brain function as one, it would have been so, but alas, it is not.  You can't think with your heart; nor, can you feel with your brain. 

Reading a book called, Mountains Beyond Mountains about a Doctor that worked in Public Health in one of beautiful armpits of the world, Haiti.  Loved this quote, "The world is full of miserable places.  One way of living comfortably is not to think about them, or when you do, to send money."  I wonder, is that not the mountain I'm being called to climb, to somehow soften my calloused heart?  Lead me....

5.16.12-Taking care of the RN

Dads come through when their daughters are all grown up and able to take care of themselves.  Dad's come through with the perfect care packages, even for a nurse.  Especially for a nurse.  Some things I just wish I could learn best through a textbook.  For example, take pain medication with food.  They mean it for a reason; otherwise, you get sick.  Honestly, it would make my life so much more easy if I could learn things through a text book; a text book only.

5.15.12-The first of the season

Still, God, you are our Father.
   We're the clay and you're our potter:
   All of us are what you made us.
Don't be too angry with us, O God.
   Don't keep a permanent account of wrongdoing.
   Keep in mind, please, we are your people—all of us.

5.13.12-Making Lemonade

Only Love Remains,
by JJ Heller

Scenes of you come rushing through
You are breaking me down
So break me into pieces
That will grow in the ground
I know that I deserve to die
For the murder in my heart
So be gentle with me Jesus
As you tear me apart

Please kill the liar
Kill the thief in me
You know that I am tired of their cruelty
Breathe into my spirit
Breathe into my veins
Until only love remains

You burn away the ropes that bind
And hold me to the earth
The fire only leaves behind whatever is of worth
I begin to see reality
For the first time in my life
I know that I'm a shadow
But I'm dancing in your light

Teach me to be humble
Call me from the grave
Show me how to walk with you upon the waves
Breathe into my spirit
Breathe into my veins
Until only love remains

5.12.12-Happy International Nurses Day

5.11.12-Lucky Ladybug

The phoenix, a bird that never dies.  A bird that rises after defeat and struggle.  A bird that demonstrates impeccable strength and determination beyond all imagination.  The bird that symbolizes rebirth.  That's how I describe my mother. 

The ladybug is a beetle with a hard shell, but the most beautiful of all beetles.  The life cycle of the adult ladybug is short and it teaches us how to release worries and enjoy our lives to the fullest.  When it appears in our life it is telling us to "let go and let God."  That's how I describe my father.

A fine balance of fierce strength and determination, and a hard shell knowing when to "let go and let God".  

5.10.12-Love on a nurse....

In the midst of temptation & struggling, our God will be there.  

 

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly.
One day a small opening appeared.
He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours
as it struggled to squeeze its body through the tiny hole.
Then it stopped, as if it couldn't go further.

So the man decided to help the butterfly.
He took a pair of scissors and
snipped off the remaining bits of cocoon.
The butterfly emerged easily but
it had a swollen body and shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch it,
expecting that any minute the wings would enlarge
and expand enough to support the body,
Neither happened!
In fact the butterfly spent the rest of its life
crawling around.
It was never able to fly.

What the man in his kindness
and haste did not understand:
The restricting cocoon and the struggle
required by the butterfly to get through the opening
was a way of forcing the fluid from the body
into the wings so that it would be ready
for flight once that was achieved.

Sometimes struggles are exactly
what we need in our lives.
Going through life with no obstacles would cripple us.
We will not be as strong as we could have been
and we would never fly.

5.9.12-Succumb to the One

James 5:16

Today I purchased my journal for Burma and have been praying over the content that will be placed in it.  That it would be eye-opening, mind-challenging, and pensive in all that God wants me to hear and see.  I feel it inside, that God has mighty powerful plans for me and that he is working on revealing them to me in the most subtlest of ways. 

5.8.12-Knowledge Seeker

1 Kings 3:9
Here's what I want: Give me a God-listening heart so I can lead your people well, discerning the difference between good and evil. For who on their own is capable of leading your glorious people?

5.7.12-When you let your walls fall to the ground....

All the walls you put up are just glass on the outside....this is where the healing begins

Loki (on Iron Man)-How desperate are you that you would call upon such lost creatures to defend you?

Nick Fury-How desperate am I?  You threaten my world with war, you steal a force you can't hope to control, you talk about peace and you kill because its fun.  You've made me very desperate.  You might not be glad that you did.

I'm desperate to understand our world and how it turns.  I've got a lot of inner battles going on and I would ask for prayers to better understand how to resist.  I've been called to Burma, and I excitedly said yes, but secretly I'm terrified.  And I have absolutely no idea why.  None whatsoever.  I see the injustice there and I just soak up the desire to learn and understand and yet I'm fighting all these battles inside that keep me selfishly behind.  I don't have a lot of support behind me, and financially everything is discouraging.  Shielding myself against these battles with conviction, courage, endurance, and grace against all the things that pull me away from Burma physically, emotionally, and financially....

5.6.12-Soarin'

There are things still broken, but I need to be broken first in order to be fixed.

In your ocean, I'm ankle deep

I feel the waves crashin' on my feet

It's like I know where I need to be

But I can't figure out, yeah I can't figure out

Just how much air I will need to breathe

When your tide rushes over me

There's only one way to figure out

Will ya let me drown, will ya let me drown

Hey now, this is my desire

Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful

To touch me, I know that I'm in reach

'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful

And the water is risin' quick

And for years I was scared of it

We can't be sure when it will subside

So I won't leave your side, no I can't leave your side

5.5.12-Yo', Preppie!

Jessie: You macho pig.
Slater: Oink oink, baby.


<------ Grand Marshall, Mario Lopez. 

5.4.12-Bandits

My heart is so proud. My mind is so unfocused.
I see the things You do through me as great things I have done. And now You gently break me, then lovingly You take me and hold me as my father and mold me as my maker.

How many times will you pick me up, when I keep on letting you down?
At times I may grow weak and feel a bit discouraged, knowing that someone, somewhere could do a better job. For who am I to serve You?  I know I don't deserve You. And that's the part that burns in my heart and keeps me hanging on.

As I walk with You, I'm learning what Your grace really means. The price that I could never pay was paid at Calvary. So, instead of trying to repay You, I'm learning to simply obey you, by giving up my life to you, for all that You've given to me.


How many times will you pick me up, when I keep on letting you down?