We hurt because we love, we love because we care.

Farmer's Market Bathroom, Dayton, VA

So I have been incredibly busy and unable to spill my thoughts out on to paper.  Running errands, picking up extra shifts, and trying to rehydrate my body from the rest it is lacking have kept me from really enjoying time for just me.  So here is my attempt to really take a few moments and share what I have been thinking over the past several weeks.   With earlier reference to my body needing adequate rest, I am seeing signs of my vacation everywhere---even on the bathroom sinks.  It really is time for a vacation from work, from school, and the drama that has followed me over the past several weeks. 

Let's go to February 4th, 2012---kind of where it began.  Moments before taking this picture, I was driving my youth from Jess' Lunch to You Made It! Pottery to paint pottery.  Their lovely quote from the event, "Paint pot, don't do it".  I'll go with that :).   We stopped in at the new toy store downtown--and I really couldn't resist the sign.  Ugly Dolls? We've now moved from selling beautiful Barbie Dolls that have the perfect skin and shape, to Barbie Dolls that are hairless to represent cancer, to dolls that are ugly?  I'm far behind in social culture, I believe.

Who warms up with Ugly Dolls?

Now let's move on past the You Made It! Pottery session with my youth group to a surprising text message that I received.  It made my day in more ways than one, and of course this called for a celebration evening with some fantastic ladies.  We had a little bit of fun with extra spatulas and of course the wonderful movie, Leap Year.  Which if you have not seen, will make you want to love on Ireland a while. 

"Just trow 'em in de wash, it'll be grand!". 

I found a new game that is fun, painless, and probably only fun with Crispin!

On February 5th, I shared the morning with the youth group again, trying to share with them about true love.  I put myself up to a huge challenge, as I'm not even sure I'm in complete understanding of what true love is.  But here is a recap of my lesson.

We watched Fantasia.  Fantasia teaches us several important lessons about human love and human suffering.  In the first clip, The Sorcerer's Apprentice with Mickey Mouse and the broomsticks, Disney secretly reinforces the gift that God gave us, which is the cause of all human suffering, which is the gift of personal freedom.  Mickey chose to use a short cut, which ultimately left him four or five steps behind.  The punishment from the Sorcerer?  Just the feeling of guilt and a swift kick in the booty.  The second clip displaying this world's contribution to human suffering is that of the clip played out to Stravinsky's, The Rite of Spring.  This clip helps us to see that suffering comes to use through the forces of natural law, such as illness, sickness, hurricanes and tornadoes, and other natural disasters.  As always, this is one that we have the most difficulty understanding-why would He forsake me?  Why would He allow me to suffer so, doesn't He love me?  Hard questions for me, for anyone, but especially teenagers.  The third clip, which we didn't watch, but was Beethoven's Sixth Sympony discusses that the reason we hurt so much is BECAUSE we love.  This one is definitely hard to understand and grasp, but it's true.  We hurt because we love, we love because we care.  This led into a discussion over lunch about Valentine's Day and why I love it---not because of the way that Social Media and Culture has morphed it into a sickly, false-love stricken, candy-filled holiday.  I love it purely because I know that no matter what else is going on in my life, no matter what disaster is happening, what human illness is taking those I love away, and no matter what close friend is hurting me, I know that God has a love much more deep and real than any of those people can give me.  I want people to see that I really believe this, and I want them, more importantly, to believe it themselves. 

Ten Thousand Villages, chair outside

Last week, on my day off, I spent the afternoon doing things for just me...shopping for unique finds in Downtown Harrisonburg.  To my surprise, I found an unique find, without really trying to search for it.  After making a necessary visit to Ten Thousand Villages, I found this outside of their store.  I don't know why my heart broke--well obviously it broke for the clear reasons.  But, my heart broke harder than normal.  He had two different gloves, head phones on, and several jackets because it was so cold.  I get so frustrated at this and then more frustrated at myself because I want to fix it.  I want to make the difference.  I want to be his saving grace.  And then I get very frustrated with myself, because I think that I can do all these things in the first place.  It's ridiculous I know.   It makes me wonder his path to where he is now, and why he is the way he is.  Who loves him?  Who is in his life?  Is there anyone?   I read an article, from RMH's monthly publication about the loss of a loved one.  They were speaking specifically about death, but I can obviously relate this to something else. 

Some of the things they listed and discussed were ways that family can help out in situations like this.  How can your friends and family act around you after you have experienced the great loss.  Some of their suggestions were, say very little, be sympathetic-not empathetic, refer for additional help if necessary.  One of the really important ones, was stick around for the long haul, not just the funeral.  Oh how I wish this could be shouted from the roof tops.  If you look at those that were at my funeral----there were tons!  Now....the ones that stuck around...I can count them on my right hand.  The funeral doesn't just end.  The feelings don't just end.  The feelings go long past that.    The first holidays, anniversaries, make them ease-free and ensure that person is included, not left alone.  Oops.  Again I can count on my right hand those that were there.  And to my surprise---only two of them were ones that I expected to be there...

Can I introduce you to the Capital Ale House Family?  "Jesus just walked by".

One exciting text message.....

 I told someone that on a scale of 1-10 regarding my excitement for this trip...I told him it was a 1.  BAZINGA!  I told him it was a 15!!!

You Made It! Pottery, Harrisonburg, VA

Here's the pottery I painted.  And the entire time I painted it I read through this scripture in my head:

Isaiah 64:8

The Message (MSG)

 ^8-12Still, God, you are our Father.
   We're the clay and you're our potter:
   All of us are what you made us.
Don't be too angry with us, O God.
   Don't keep a permanent account of wrongdoing.
   Keep in mind, please, we are your people—all of us.
Your holy cities are all ghost towns:
   Zion's a ghost town,
   Jerusalem's a field of weeds.
Our holy and beautiful Temple,
   which our ancestors filled with your praises,
Was burned down by fire,
   all our lovely parks and gardens in ruins.
In the face of all this,
   are you going to sit there unmoved, God?
Aren't you going to say something?
   Haven't you made us miserable long enough?