Over the past several months I have received many emails, messages, and calls asking me for advice on running, dieting, weight loss, and exercising. Anyone that knew me in high school, or even college, would find this ironic. I never exercised and I was never overly conscious of what I was eating. However, I have been on quite a transformational journey over the last several years and most recently, a journey of inner endurance and willpower. In an attempt to respond to everyone's inquiries, I thought it most appropriate to respond in a blog post. So if you have emailed, messaged, or called me about any of the above, here's your one stop shop to hearing my story of transformation. In order to do so, I have to be honest and vulnerable in sharing both the triumphs and the failures that composed this change, inside and outside.
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| The running shoes I have purchased, used, and worn out in 2013. From top to bottom are my running shoes from oldest (most run in) to newest (waiting to be broken in). Cinderella really is proof that one pair of shoes can change your life! |
Three, almost four, years ago I went through a very abusive divorce. It was occurring at a cross-roads in my life, as I was also transitioning from a Language Content Development Project Manager into the role of a Cardiac Registered Nurse. If that wasn't enough, I was studying for my Board Examination and mentoring a group of Jr. High Youth at my church, while simultaneously enrolling and beginning my Graduate Studies to become a Master's prepared Nurse Leader. Looking back on this transition, I'm not sure how my stress levels alone did not kill me. I struggled for a year on finding purpose and peace. I wasn't okay with not being okay. I was not happy with my emotional or spiritual well being. In January of 2012, the small group that I had been connected with the preceding August, would not take anymore of my discontent. They challenged me to enjoy being me. I spent one of the sweetest summers learning what it meant to be happy and to live amongst those friends that loved me not just because of my flaws, but because of how my flaws were
changing me.
In the fall of 2012, my father underwent some serious Cardiac procedures for multiple Cardiac issues. After having worked as a Cardiac Registered Nurse for over a year and reliving some scary health issues within my family, I realized that I could not continue to live a lifestyle where I was content with being overweight or unhealthy. No longer was I unhappy because I had lost a sense of who I was in my marriage, but now
I was unhappy because I knew if I didn't change the way I lived physically, I wouldn't have any kind of long life to enjoy being happy in any other capacity. The stresses of my job, my inner soul-searching, and my frustration with not being healthy fueled me to get on a treadmill one day. Honestly, though, I had a patient that made me so irate, I just took out my frustration on that treadmill. After hours of teaching a very sick woman about why she couldn't smoke and eat fried chicken every day and still have a healthy heart, I realized how frustrated I was with her, but also how I was really talking to myself when I was teaching her. I didn't smoke or eat fried chicken every day, but I certainly didn't eat carrots and drink water every day, either. Before I could even process these thoughts, I had run one mile.
That's how it started. I increased distance over time, no more than 10% a week, however. I did this until I reached three miles - a personal goal I had just set in my mind at some point early on. At three miles, I told myself, "I'm not tired, why should I stop here?" I didn't really even know what was beyond three miles. To me, it had always been a scary abyss that only psycho, fit, freaks attempted. Three miles became four, four miles became six, and six miles became nine miles, and nine miles became 13.1miles. And soon enough, I became one of those psycho, fit, freaks! After each workout, I was more energized than when I started.
Sweating almost made me detox all the negative energy that was bottled up inside of me. All the frustrations from a failed relationship, all the apathetic patients towards their health, all the discontent both spiritually and emotionally within me, and a genuine desire to beat my own goals, fueled every first step onto a treadmill.
And friends, the first step into your shoes and onto your exercise machine, will ALWAYS be the hardest, even if you're no longer a rookie.
The treadmill eventually led to a gravel path and then a concrete road. My runs became stronger and faster, increasing both in frequency and endurance.
Realizing that running required an intentional lifestyle change, I found myself changing sleeping and eating habits to support such a vigorous routine. Working 12-hour days and then running four miles afterwards wouldn't be healthy if I didn't eat the correct foods. I found myself consuming more calories to keep up with the calories burned. Even still, I lost weight. As exercising continued, I found myself craving peppers and hummus over potato chips and yogurt over cookies. My flesh yearned for healthy snacks. If I ever ate french fries or foods high in fat content, I became sick for days because my body had already detoxed itself from these food items. Even today, if I eat a hamburger or turkey burger, I feel nauseated later and even the following day. Along with food, I realized that I needed to consume more water. I'm baseline dehydrated anyways, but with sweating so much, I couldn't keep up with the amount of water I needed. Also, I was tired, in a really good way now, but still lacking in beauty sleep. Falling asleep has never been an issue for me, but I gained energy and strength in running when I added just 1-2 hours of sleep each night.
My diet had already changed with my father's first heart attack in 2008. I had cut out all sodium from my diet, all white breads and starches, all sodas, and I had eliminated most red meat. (I seriously loved a good steak!) I had switched all of my cheeses, if any, to mozzarella or provolone (I still hate swiss cheese). I had reduced significantly the amount of fried foods I consumed. When I started running, these head start diet tricks were helpful, but I had such a hard time getting rid of french fries. If there was one single food item that I struggled reducing, it was my french fries. Sometimes, I still fall into the bad habit of eating them occasionally. While attempting to make my food healthier, I realized that I couldn't eliminate the foods I desired completely, i.e. iced cream and french fries. In depriving myself of these great foods occurred, I found that eventually I craved them ten-fold. That is dangerous, because at some points craving something leads to caving in on that desire and fulfilling it at dangerous levels. We call this binging, on food, or drinking, on whatever, but it's clearly not healthy. Finding a balance between diet, sleep, and exercise, a balance learned through trial and error, created an avenue towards a healthier me.
In January of 2013, I had the opportunity to hike in the Southeast Asian jungles of Myanmar. Living on such a simple diet, and using my own two feet as transportation, I received a new perspective on a simple way of living. This trip almost emotionally prepared me for the journey of weight loss and exercise in the sense that I lived on so little and was able to appreciate even the most complex situations with only the bare minimum. Coming back to the states from this journey only fueled my frustration by the fact that a portion of our world that needs so many more resources can still survive on to so little at the same time that a large portion of our world that is greedy and has so many resources struggles in living without.
In March of 2013, I decided that I needed a 30 before 30 list. This was just one more innocent thought that turned into a goal and was motivated by the shear fact of wanting to do something and follow through with it. On this list, I chose to add #16 - Run a Disney World Marathon. I set out to run the Walt Disney World Marathon in January 2014. Some of the goals along the way were smaller races, including the Walt Disney World Wine and Dine Half Marathon in November 2013. Having these goals helped keep me accountable, especially when they were outrageously expensive. That's how I got to where I am now, mentally, physically, and emotionally preparing for the biggest weekend of my life thus far. The Walt Disney World Marathon Weekend and Goofy's Race and a Half Challenge (39.3 miles).
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| After one year of running and heart healthy living and practicing all of this intentionally, I lost over 50lbs, reduced my overall BMI by multiple points, reduced my Total Cholesterol and Triglycerides, increased my good Cholesterol, and dropped down 4-dress sizes. I reduced my Cardiac Health Risks, included reducing my risk of Heart Attack, Obstructive Sleep Apnea, and Diabetes Mellitus. This doesn't even touch the emotional health gained and overall improved happiness and self-content I gained. The photograph above is a before and after picture. LEFT: Spring Break at Disney World March 2012 RIGHT: National ANCC Magnet Nursing Conference at Disney World October 2013 |
All of this said, I know that I could not have done it without some of you. Blogging about the struggles I faced and sharing my joy in accomplishments through these years have not only shared a vulnerable part of me with you, but also kept me accountable. Perhaps it's a pride thing, I'm not sure. But I can't tell Facebook or a blog that I'm going to do one thing and then not actually carry it out. If Social Media ever had a positive benefit, it is is that when you're making goals for yourself and you share it through Social Media, everyone knows. Everyone can see your journey and your success. Everyone can also see your failure. That's where pride comes in for me; I hate failing, but I hate public failures even more so.
While I don't do these things so that others can see them, I realize that sharing my experiences can encourage others to take that first step onto a treadmill or out of an abusive relationship. My successes and failures can and have motivated others, which in return continues to motivate me. My biggest advice is to be real with yourself and being real with others will soon follow.
Share your journey with others. Those that matter in your journey will encourage and support you in your endeavor. Those that don't matter may judge you.
Do not allow this to discourage you; use it as fuel!!! Everyone is capable of so much more than they realize. Allow yourself to take the risk and see how much more you can actually accomplish. You'll soon realize, it's more than you ever thought possible.
